Ever since I learned that most commercial products put a small 800-number on their packages for consumer questions, I've felt compelled to call the customer service reps to harass them. Each time I do this, readers write in, contending that I am one sick guy.
EMETROL FOR NAUSEA
Me: I feel as though the world is an implacable, oppressive universe, indifferent to me as a human being. Can your product help?
Bridget: What sort of symptoms have you been having?Me: Nausea, which Jean-Paul Sartre defined as the sickening awareness that we live only with an illusion of free will in an existence that is utterly pointless. Will Emetrol work for me?
Bridget: Let me pull the product information up.
Me:
Bridget: It only relieves nausea due to upset stomachs.
Me: Well, I do feel it in my gut. It's a revulsion caused by the conflict between spiritually destructive conformity and the human need to be authentic. Do you recommend the 4-ounce size, or bigger?
Bridget: Well, the dosage is one to two tablespoons every 15 minutes until the distress subsides.
Me: Whoa, I might need gallons!
3 comments:
ummmmmm...
i love it!
Maybe you can talk to HR about that?
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