Long

JH: JD, go long.

JD: I'm about as long as i can be.

Make your own South Park character

South Park Studio

LL to Jimbo: "RS and I were just accosted by a boy-girl wearing a Burger King crown, a pink, sparkly see-through blouse and carrying a fake Coach bag."

Gotta love the 'hood.

Pound Town

KW to JD: "Where is Pound Town? Is that in Adams Morgan?"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pound+town

Smack that!

JH to JD: You know it's actually better if you tap it from the bottom.

Spell Check

KS to TC: "I messed up I spelled syphilis wrong..."

How many licks does it take?

KW to AM at Gallery Lounge:
"I don't know what it is, but I licked it -- it wasn't good!"

Everything's coming up Rosie

KS to TC & LL: Did you hear Rosie's leaving 'The View'? What big fat surprise!

So Meaty...

KS to TC: "One time I got hit on by the meat guy..."

Date Lab

LD in Washington Post Date Lab Interview: "When I'm not working I wear earrings."

Scene: CW passes by JD's cube and notices a strange sign hanging up. It says "FRIENDS WITH"

CW: Who are you friends with?
JD: Huh?
CW: Are you friends with books?
JD: Ohhhh...noooo...that's the other half of the sign down there (points to the Benefits Corner).
CW: What? Are you talking about the Benefits Corner? Is your friend down there?
JD: Noooo...

By now, a small crowd has gathered including JH, PC, & MW. They are already looking at CW in disbelief.

CW: Ok, wait. Benefits corner...friends...with...?
JD: Other way!
CW: Friends with...benefits...corner? Friends with benefits corner.

Everyone is looking at CW wondering if she has any clue what that means...

CW: You guys...!

CW is shaking her head and walks away.

I recommend...

Too Funny...

Ever since I learned that most commercial products put a small 800-number on their packages for consumer questions, I've felt compelled to call the customer service reps to harass them. Each time I do this, readers write in, contending that I am one sick guy.

EMETROL FOR NAUSEA

---

Me: I feel as though the world is an implacable, oppressive universe, indifferent to me as a human being. Can your product help?

Bridget: What sort of symptoms have you been having?

Me: Nausea, which Jean-Paul Sartre defined as the sickening awareness that we live only with an illusion of free will in an existence that is utterly pointless. Will Emetrol work for me?

Bridget: Let me pull the product information up.

Me:

Bridget: It only relieves nausea due to upset stomachs.

Me: Well, I do feel it in my gut. It's a revulsion caused by the conflict between spiritually destructive conformity and the human need to be authentic. Do you recommend the 4-ounce size, or bigger?

Bridget: Well, the dosage is one to two tablespoons every 15 minutes until the distress subsides.

Me: Whoa, I might need gallons!

Banana Republic

LL to KR: "I didn't ask you to turn it into a banana for me..."

Grill or Grille?

OR

[Anonymous]: I like meat...you know, the kind you put in your grill(e).

Big Enough

SC: Yo, which one is bigger?

JD: Yours is longer than mine.

I'm...I'm...I'm...

JD to PC: So who all is coming tonight?
MW: Meeeeee...
JD: I was talking about softball practice...

A bit premature?

JD: You're done already?
JH: That's what she said...

I want some...

MW: I want something sweet. Do you have any candy?

JD: Yea...man candy.

I love...

KP to RS: "I love pine nuts..."

Walk this way

LL: Hey AS!

AS: How did you know it was me coming around the corner? You recognize my walk? I walk like a redneck?

LL: You walk like Lake Show...

Get Off

Just before vacation...

MW: Is your girlfriend going?

RM: Only for the last couple days, she can't get off.

TC: She can't get off without RM!

That shit is croosh, yo.

croosh (adj.), (n.)

(adj.)
1. Short form of "crucial," describes anything that is particularly noteworthy or commendable; expresses that something is an object of high appeal.

"That shit is croosh, yo."
"Lotta girls at the party Saturday; shit was croosh."

2. Very good, excellent, superior, heady

"Some say the grass is greener on the other side, but I say the grass is always croosh where you are. "

"Hey! Great news!"
"Did you get a promotion?"
"No, I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico, but that shit would be croosh too."

(noun)
3. A delightful lot of marijuana (derived from crucial)

"That shit was the croosh."

I Hear Black People...

TC to KB: Why does DB transfer anyone who is black to me?

Number One, Number Two

MC to HS: I'd love to stay and talk to you, but I really have to use the restroom.

HS to MC: Is it number one, or number two?

Hidy ho!

There's a party...

MW to World: It's like a party in my mouth!

Bringin' Sexy Back

Chic-fil-A

J-RU to TC: "There's a guy at the Chick-fil-A by where I live that has the same mouth you have..."

How To Get A Man

J-Ru to KP: "Give him some tequilla shots, give him a happy ending and call it a night."

Payday

KS: "What's with all the Payday's?"

KP: "TC your such a fuckin' putz."

Quick Question

TC to RM: "Are you still in PA?"

KS: "No, he's moving to the new one - unemployment."

The Grinch

Logan Circle Mugger to KB: "Gimme the cookies bitches!!!!"

***PS- KB we miss you***

Mmm Pickles

MW: "I like these things..."

KS: "Yeah their called pickles."

Groped

RS: "I was groped by a homeless man on the corner when I was on the phone with my dad."

Why?

KB to TC: "Why are people so fucking dumb?"

Karate Kid

TC to AK: "Do they have Karate Kid in India?"

Press Release

DB: "Hey wanna write a release?"

LD: "Ummmmmmmmmm...."

South Africa

HS: "How many hours ahead is South Africa?"

LL: "A lot..."

Overheard in Midcity Launched...

Overheard in Midcity is a quote board that has gone virtual. Quotes come from the daily hum drum of a communications shop somewhere on planet earth.

If you hear a good quote let me know and I'll post. You can get in on the posting fun by becoming an author to the blog. E-mail if you'd like access (traclayton@gmail.com).

Disclaimer: Bloggers do not post during "billable" time.