The Most Interesting Man...

JH: "I don't drink beer but when I do..." ya' know the Dos Equis man...the most interesting man in the world.

JS: "Ya know I don't think he's Hispanic..."

Anthrax Man

Scene: ALE and JT trek into NE looking for obscure new biz drop site. Nothing but warehouses and highway. Finally find location and come across...

ALE: Um, are you accepting [client] RFP?

Anthrax Man: (nods, takes the proposal, and starts retreating into warehouse)

ALE: Wait! Can we get a receipt?

The Billable Hour

Excerpt from an e-mail I got this morning

"I took whore part off to put in the system..."

Its College

Is there anything it CAN'T do?

BG (new colleague at new firm), on the phone: "So, yeah, we're basically curing AIDS over YouTube."

Um yea..about that PO Request

MW to LM in LM's cube...

MW: leaning down to fix a typo... "So I bet you don't have people on their knees often in your cube"

LM: So I'm not sure how to respond to that...

Sittin' Here in Margaritaville

Scene: (now at a new firm), RS is asked what she is working on by new colleague MD.

RS: I don't know. I'm "on the beach."

MD: What does that mean?

RS: It means I don't have S*!% to do.

MD: Guess I'm "on the beach" too. It'd be better if we were sippin' on some margaritas ....

Did somebody say TASTY BEVERAGE???

E-Mail Follies

E-mail from AE to TC.

"Never tempt a preggars"

Damn Good

Scene: TP hunched over her lunch in her cube.

JS: Check out TP's quesadilla.
TP: There's nothing left, I'm housing it...

You wankers

(Scene: Sydney office. ZH, PM and EH are discussing a certain client’s penchant for speaking in management-consultant techno-babble.)

ZH: We just want to make sure they’re speaking plain English. I mean, we don’t want to be drowning in wank.

Silence around the table for a beat.

ZH: Oh my God, that is totally gross!

EH: Yeah, but it would be a killer band name: Drowning in Wank!

Bet You Didn't Know...

Anonymous: "Everyone is down with Ramadan."

No More Alcohol...

MW to TC (w/ KJ present): So ask KJ why she's not drinking? (alluding to a binge filled weekend)
TC to KJ: Why aren't you drinking?
KJ: Cuz its Ramadan...

Forget Milk - Got Xanax?

(Scene: SC, MW, and JS are lunching at a restuarant with an outdoor patio)

JS: Do you know what I wanna do?

(SC and MW are afraid to ask)

JS: I want to get a whole bunch of Xanax and crush it all up and put it in people's drinks so that they can calm the f* down.

MW: You may be on to something...It's not ER, it's PR!

Before One Can Say "I Do"

AK to MW, SJJ, CM: So, I went to get my blood drawn at this sketchy place for my wedding license and when the nurse called my name to give me the results, she screams, "CONGRATULATIONS." I mean, I don't get why she said that.

MW, SJJ and CM just stare at AK in silence.

CM to group: You should be congratulated. Sphyllis is bad.

That's A Lot of Meat

Scene: Lunch line admiring sandwiches.

EA: Their so big! How am I gonna get my mouth around it?

How come everything today has involved things either coming in or going out of my ass?

Scene: A follow-up training session on negotiation skills, the main topic of conversation is avoiding the word “but” (instead of saying things like, “I agree we need to change the budget, but...” we should say “I agree we need to change the budget; how can we find a good solution?”). The team has been brainstorming ways to keep the “but” out of conversation. ZH leads the charge.

BW, to facilitator: I think you’ve done a great job of lighting the torch of inspiration here, and I also think ZH has agreed to carry the “but flame” forward.

ZH: Hey, that’s sexual harassment!

(Room laughs)

Facilitator: Wait, what’s sexual about that?

(Room laughs harder)

When its more than just wine...

Scene: TS is looking through a local supermarket's weekly flyer and in deep contemplation. After a few minutes pass, TS looks up and says...

TS: When wine is more than 15% alcohol, it becomes a spirit...i love it!

Gettin Jiggy Wit It

RS t0 AK: "Hey about that thingamajiggity you and I are supposed to do tonight?"

Cube farm breaks out in laughter.

Lick me...

JL to TC (commenting on TC's summer fashion attire): You look like mint-chocolate chip ice-cream.

It's Fleet Week in DC

RS: I need someone to speak military to me!

MW: JC speaks military. People sleep on his military capabilities. I'm going to pitch his military capabilities deck so that people know.

JC: Yes, I speak military.

MW: Hear that RS, JC's your guy!

RS: JC are you availble later for me to take advantage?

JC: Yes, just give me a 30 minutes heads up.

MW: JC, you are so easy!